(Source: u4-ia)

+ 09.21.2010 / / via u4-ia

Isn’t it interesting that no matter how far our distance, no matter how little we actually know someone it doesn’t change what we feel for that person, or how intensely we feel it,

sincesheleft:

it’s terrifying and exhilarating. 

(via heymikewaskom)

+ 09.17.2010 / / via sincesheleft, heymikewaskom

why?

his name is adrian. his eyes are of a perfect chocolate color, his smile - or smirk, rather - is amazing and breathtaking every single time. his walk is “cool”, seductive, sexy. the way he speaks, the things he says, his perfect hands. his perfect everything. he is everything i could possibly have desired - and i just met him this very same week! to make matters worse, i have a wonderful boyfriend whom i love. but what my beyond incredible stefon lacks, this new boy has in abundance. he predicted i was going to move on to someone better when i moved. i did not believe him. it bothered me to hear him say what i guaranteed him was not going to happen. and now, i find myself confused. stefon and i have been together for two months, and we had/have been learning about each other and exercising a friendship for a year or so. yet here i find this gorgeous, perfect boy who is everything i imagined i would have at this point in my life. this adrian, i can definitely see myself having a future with. and it’s all completely ridiculous, because i just met him. i have never been so naive.

yesterday, while with stefon, all i could think about was adrian. we were walking around and i never ceased to examine every crowd for adrian’s face, to say goodbye to him and embrace him. things have been very rocky with stefon and i, and this new complication is not helping in any way. last year, i can say i would have been waking up every morning to see his face, and now i do the same - for someone else.

i know that if adrian kisses me, i will kiss back. i also know that if he asks me if i have a boyfriend, i will want to lie. but i won’t. at the gym, he cornered me and seemed to want to kiss me. he leaned towards me, his hand on the wall i myself was leaning on. we were tired, sweating, blushing. he asked me what was on my mind. i wanted to answer “my boyfriend is coming to see me today, and all i can do is wish it was you i’d be walking home with.”

constantly, the thought that adrian is just a boy i met and that my boyfriend and i are perfect for each other is jammed into my mind. i make failed attempts to remind myself that i cannot cheat on my stefon, that i would never hurt him. i do not know what to do at this point.

is it wrong that i hope for any little thing, any little sign that stefon is doubting me, to convince him i am wrong for him? that i hope for him to cheat on me before i am tempted to again? yes… it is indeed, and it’s degrading. there is no disappointment that can compare to the one i feel towards myself. is it because he is forbidden that i want him so much? i have never been one to myself be distracted by things like this.

so i ask myself, why?

+ 09.17.2010

slaughterhouse90210: “You were disgusted with the women who were always speaking and looking, and thinking for your approbation alone. I roused, and interested you, because I was so unlike them.” — Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

slaughterhouse90210:

“You were disgusted with the women who were always speaking and looking, and thinking for your approbation alone. I roused, and interested you, because I was so unlike them.”
— Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

+ 09.17.2010 / / via paperbackgirl, slaughterhouse90210